mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
