I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
