Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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