I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
