I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
