Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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