if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
