I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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