Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
