fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
