i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
