I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
