I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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