In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
