Is it normal to miss your booty call?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
