It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
