A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
