Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just found puke in my bra..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
