And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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