It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We named our party play list daddy issues
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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