when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
