My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
try to milk me bitch
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
