apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Green mimosas i think yes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I want to be your penis for a week.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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