I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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