Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
