Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
