Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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