There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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