I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
