y did u give ur computer a hand job?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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