Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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