I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
