like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
