It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
