let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
