I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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