There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
