im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
