you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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