Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
