i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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