Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
