They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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