Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
