He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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