We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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