When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
