he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
