hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
