it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
