I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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