can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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