why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
