After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
